Over on the blog, I wrote about the new White Chair Film featuring female Rapper Wande. I talked about one line in particular that stood out to me, and it was her commentary on essentially being a people-pleaser.
But while I talked about how we can combat our people-pleasing (by turning to Jesus), I wanted to spend some time here digging into why we people-pleasers, well, people-please.
So what drives us to seek validation from those around us, often at the expense of our own well-being or mental health? I think the human heart craves connection, belonging and love. We were created for it when we were created to be in a relationship with God. But when sin entered the world, it severed that relationship. It’s why God had to send Jesus. But since the Garden of Eden, we’ve been looking for ways to fill that gaping need inside us for love and validation.
Enter people-pleasing: Our sinful nature looks to others instead of God to fulfill what only he can fulfill.
I think that’s the biggest reason. But I also think there’s another.
See, I think there are a lot of people-pleasers who have a deep-seated belief that they are somehow unworthy or undeserving of love and acceptance. They feel the need, then, to prove themselves to others, to earn their approval and affection. They become chameleons and “yes people” in order to squeeze one more drop of approval from whoever will give it to them.
Friend, if that’s you, let me tell you that you are worthy of love. And not just worthy of love from those around you, but from the one that created you. He loves you! And the truth is, no amount of approval from others can fill the void that only God can fill with his love. Sure, maybe in the short term. But in the long run, people will always let us down. He won’t. He can’t.
I’ll repeat a little of what I wrote on the blog, but I’ll put it this way: In God’s eyes, you are already loved, accepted and valued beyond measure. He created each one of us with unique skills, passions and purposes. He longs for us to embrace our true identity as his. When we turn to him for our love and validation, we tap into a source of unconditional acceptance that transcends the fleeting, conditional love offered by the world around us.
That doesn’t mean it’s a sin to look for the approval of your father or mother, for example. And it’s not that human love is inconsequential or unnecessary. It’s just to say that we have to recognize the limits of human love. We have to recognize it is only a reflection of God’s ultimate love.
A love we can NEVER earn. A love that will NEVER leave us. A love that is so true, pure and genuine that no one or nothing can ever truly take its place.