Jesus said to love your enemies. While you may not admit to having full-blown enemies in your life, you likely have a few people who are difficult to love. Many times this person is a neighbor, family member or coworker. These are people who live or work in proximity to you. You cannot entirely ignore them. So Jesus’ instructions to love these hard-to-love people can prove to be a regular challenge. Here are some quick tips on how to love the unlovable.
Quick Tip #1: Meditate on a Practical Story
You know that Jesus instructed his followers to love their enemies. But what does that look like in practical life? When I’m dealing with a particularly difficult person, I find myself meditating on a practical Bible story that shows me what love looks like in the real world. Jesus offers many such examples on this topic. But the one I find myself going back to, again and again, is the story of Zacchaeus, the tax collector. You can find the story in Luke 19:1-10. This is a simple story that shows Jesus loving a person that many found difficult to love. Meditating on this kind of story will give you both inspiration and practical guidance.
Quick Tip #2: Be Generous
In the story of Jesus and the tax collector, Zacchaeus is framed as a person that many found very unlovable. But Jesus was still generous with his love and his time. Jesus was a traveling rabbi. In that position, most would assume that Jesus would spend his evenings with more reputable people. Hanging out with a tax collector and a sinner, as the town called him, was much more than anyone else in his position would usually offer.
This can be a source of inspiration for all of us. Sometimes that annoying person at work is the way they are because no one has ever offered them a true friendship. Maybe you’ll never be best friends, but giving a lonely person even a limited friendship can make a big difference in their life. This certainly proved true with Zaccheus. His encounter with Jesus changed him forever.
Quick Tip #3: Be Realistic
When I meditate on this story further, I’m also struck by how realistic Jesus is in his commitment to Zaccheaus. While I know Jesus is the infinite Son of God, in this story, he is also a man limited by the usual constraints of any other human. He has twelve disciples to whom he had already committed much of his time and energy. He could not offer that same amount of time to every person he met. He had more limitations based on his calling to continue traveling from town to town. He couldn’t have dinner with Zacchaeus every Thursday night, for example. He did not offer what he could not realistically give.
The same can guide you as you allocate your own time and energy. I have a friend called Peter. I really like Peter. We get along great. But he would like to hang out every week. He even asked me if we could set a weekly time slot where we could just plan on hanging out. I have five young kids, a wife, and a busy career. I am not at the stage of life where I could commit to this. In any relationship, whether with a friend or that annoying guy at work, you need to be realistic in what you can offer. Be generous, yes, but not beyond your ability.
Quick Tip #4: Communicate the Plan
Jesus took the initiative in communicating what sort of relationship he could offer to a person like Zacchaeus. Jesus told Zacchaeus that he would like their relationship to include dinner at his house. Jesus does not invite him to travel with him to the next town, become one of the apostles, or be his best friend. He was generous with his boundaries but he did not give Zacchaeus a blank check. And Jesus took the initiative to communicate this with Zacchaeus.
Sometimes when dealing with a more difficult person, taking the initiative in setting and communicating the relationship boundaries can make a big difference. I am currently working through some challenges with a family member. When I took the bold step of telling that person what I could offer the relationship and what I could not, I experienced an immediate sense of freedom and peace. Plus, our relationship has already improved now that everyone knows what boundaries exist.
Jesus has set an inspiring example of love in his interactions with Zacchaeus. But this story also gives us practical insights into what it looks like to love someone who is difficult. Hopefully you can be both inspired and informed by Jesus’s example of love.