This morning I was walking my daughter to school and noticed the leaves changing and starting to fall. As I stared at some brown leaves under an oak tree, I couldn’t help but think that many of us need to take a cue from those falling leaves and apply it to a key area of our lives. That area? Friendships.
I’m not talking about the life-giving, life-changing relationships that make you a better person. No, I’m talking about the toxic people in your life that are dragging you down.
I recently wrote about friendships on the main blog, but I wanted to dig into one aspect here with you: toxic relationships.
If you’re honest with yourself, there are likely toxic people in your life. And when it comes to toxic people, I’m here to give you permission to let those friendships die. You are not a bad person for doing that. In fact, you’re following the example of Jesus.
What do I mean? Well, I have a great book on my bookshelf that explains it better than I could. It’s by author Gary Thomas and called “When to Walk Away: Finding Freedom from Toxic People.” Here’s what he says about his own discovery relating to Jesus walking away from toxic people, relationships, and interactions:
With new eyes, I saw how Jesus frequently walked away from intended persecution. I read how Paul, Peter and even the “apostle of love,” John, warned early believers to beware of certain toxic individuals…What if there’s another way of looking at how we handle toxic people in our lives? What if the way and work of Christ are so compelling, so urgent, and so important that allowing ourselves to become bogged down by toxic people is an offense to God rather than a service to God?”
Friend, toxic people are not only bringing you down, but they’re also keeping you from living out the calling God has put on your life. That’s a small but important realization.
However, maybe you’re asking, “So what is a toxic person?” I’ll again let Thomas explain:
There are certain people who drain us, demean us and distract us from other healthy relationships. Long after they’re gone, we’re still fighting with them in our minds and trying to get them out of our hearts. They keep us awake. They steal our joy. They demolish our peace. They make us (if we’re honest with ourselves) weaker spiritually. They even invade times of worship and pervert them into seasons of fretting…Toxic people ruin family gatherings. They assault friendships. They can run businesses into the ground. While their numbers may be relatively small, their influence, unfortunately, is not. They mourder ministries. They rob saints of their joy and peace and sometimes make us question our sanity.
Sound familiar?
Listen, I know walking away from these people can be hard. I’m a people-pleaser. It’s one of my faults on this journey of sanctification. I have a hard time saying “no” and protecting myself from toxic people and situations. And yet, as I say frequently, the right things are usually the hard things.
But there is something so much better on the other side of the discomfort that may bring. What? Not “what” but who: God. I’ve learned I need to be better at walking away from toxic people so I can actually do what the Lord has called me to do, to be the person He wants me to be. I want you to take that with you this week. Walking away from truly toxic people doesn’t make you a bad person but rather allows you to actually better step into the calling God has in your life.
Live in that freedom. Live in that truth. And then walk away.