Karen Green

As a little girl, Karen grew up without the close shelter and love from her parents. So, aimlessly, she lived her life searching to find it. The streets became her haven and life took a downward spiral as she began to endure abuse, use drugs and turned to prostitution in order to survive. This life took a toll on her and her young son, leaving them destitute.

“I knew I had to change but I didn’t know how.” Still, just one tiny step in a positive direction made a big difference in her life.

Q: Describe your childhood and what it was like growing up.

A: I grew up in a home where my father was a preacher, my mother was a musician and I had four other siblings. By the time I had reached the age of six my mother and father were divorced. Since my mom worked and I was the oldest child and the oldest girl, I played the role to my siblings in their development and growth.

It wasn’t a happy childhood because my mom worked two jobs, mornings and evenings and with it being five of us, we were left alone quite a bit. A lot of times she asked the neighbors who lived next door to watch over us which left us uncovered and so a lot of things happened. I can remember her leaving us under the care of my neighbor next door and the neighbor worked too but her husband stayed at home and watched her four kids also. I can remember him asking me, “Won’t you let me touch you,” and by him being an authority figure in my life at that time, I didn’t think it was wrong. And I allowed him to do it and when he did he gave me money and there was a store up the street and I went up and got candy. It kind of became frequent and I felt funny. Then there came a time when he said, “I want you to let Louis lay on top of you,” and I did. I knew something was wrong and I told my mother about it and my mother got very angry, she was working two jobs and she came home and called the police. He had left and fled the scene. My mother talked to his wife and she didn’t believe her. So of course, my mother had to go to work the next day and I remember she told us not to go outside which we did anyway, which we always did. I remember we were chasing dogs and while we were out there chasing the dogs, I saw him and I didn’t think anything about it, because I was a kid. One of the dogs ran under the house and I went down to look up under the house and he threw the brick, and it broke my nose. I had to go to the hospital and they had to do surgery and reset my nose and I remember when we came back from the hospital my mom was sitting there and she began say, “You know, if you would have stayed in the house, it wouldn’t have happened.” Then I felt guilty, I felt like it was my fault and the lady from next door, which was his wife, was very angry because it had happened and I felt so bad because I told. From there the spiral began because I felt like I needed to hide, if anything else happened.

We moved to some low income apartments and all kinds of things begin to happen and I never told my mom. I didn’t like my body because my body was more mature and it drew attention to men that funneled with me and touched me. I didn’t want to tell my mom because I knew she would be angry. And I just kept it, I just lived with it. Things began to fall in place where my mother wasn’t gone from us all the time and she had a boyfriend who was making advances at me. Now, by the time I reached the age of 13, I had a baby myself. And from that point it really began to spiral downward. I told her about the advances he was making toward me and instead of her dismissing him, she dismissed me. I think I was 14 or 15 and she called my aunt and she told me I had to go stay with my aunt so I went, me and my baby went there and stayed. I was still in school, trying to get through but so much was going on and I was so angry. I fought all the time in school and so I ended up going to alternative schools.

Q: Still being very young and living with your aunt, how did things at that time develop into a pattern that developed your lifestyle?

A: I remember wanting to go out with boyfriends and friends at the time, I was about 15 or 16 and my aunt told me I couldn’t hang out with the younger guys. She told me I had to go out with men that can help me with my baby. She allowed me to know that if I was going out with someone that they would have to be “contributing” to my stay there and contributing to the things that I needed. So what she began to do is set up dates with her friends and these were older men. Every time I would go out with them, I would come back and she would ask me, “Well how much money did they give you? Did he give you some money?” and I would tell her, “Yeah.” And she would say, “Well you need to give it here.” So I would give it to her. And that went on for a while but over time, I really got upset and frustrated with that and I decided that I was gonna get out on my own. I had dropped out of school by then and was smoking weed and just doing what the typical teenagers would do. So when I left her house, I moved in with a guy and I lived with him. We broke up and it was at that point that I remembered how I went out with the older men and how they would give me money knowing I needed money to survive. So that’s what I started doing and I was around some women that were out there. And they took me to a hotel and we made a date with two guys, not knowing that they were [police] and that was my first time going to jail. But from that point on Men were the way I bought my food, men were the way that I paid my rent, men were the way I bought my cars. The street and men was all I knew.

Q: When was the next time you saw any of your family?

A: I was a little over 18 or 19 and I was pregnant again and I decided to have that baby. Before I had two abortions and I remembering knowing that I had to do what I had to do to take care of him. My mom had took my daughter away from me and I was really was broken hearted because I loved my children. My brother and I, who I raised and we were very close, went to the army and around 1985 when he was coming home, getting a call letting us know that the plane he had boarded exploded. When that happened it was like I lost my child because I raised my brothers and sisters. I had separated myself from my family, my immediate family and I knew I had to go back. I had to deal with them and it wasn’t a good thing for me because dealing with my mother was hurtful because of the things she did and my father abandoned us and I never had the opportunity to really be a part of his life. I dreaded it but I went through it, and after going through it was such a horrendous thing and my life really took a spiral as I began to do heavier drugs even crack cocaine. I remember it had taken such a hold on my life that I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t keep food in the house and I couldn’t maintain anything and my son was there with me. I asked my aunt could she help me get help and at that particular time I went into treatment and I think I stayed 45 days. I had this guy that was paying rent and keeping us going and I ran into another guy and we got together and this is when the abuse started. He began to physically and mentally abuse me. I was on drugs and I felt like he would take care of me and my son and I allowed certain things to happen. He hit me and gave me my first black eye, I didn’t understand it myself, but I allowed it to happen. He knew that I had a habit and he knew that that was one was to keep me and pacify me. Surely he took care of us of course, but it came with a big price. And my son, he witnessed all of this; he saw him put guns to my head and he saw him beat me. I found out that he was an offender of the state and I didn’t leave because my habit was so great, and I remember the police finally catching him. I didn’t know anything else but to go to the streets and to support my habit, not only to support my habit but to make sure my son ate. We walked the streets and I wasn’t sure when or how we were gonna eat. I walked into a Dairy Queen and I asked them to feed my baby and the lady told me, she said, “Anytime your baby’s hungry you bring him here and I’ll feed him.” I knew had to do something to get my son up off the streets so we went to live in a shelter and through living in shelter we were able to get an apartment. They helped us to get an apartment and when we got in the apartment, I still was smoking and I still had my habit. I remember my son at night, he knew what I was gonna do. And I could hear him in the back and I would go back there and I’d say, “What are you doing?” and he’d say, “Oh I’m laughing mama. I was just laughing.” I didn’t know but he was crying and I went on doing what I was doing. I lost that apartment and I went to live to with a friend in some apartments and she was on drugs too and things had gotten real bad. I took my to my brother and his wife and I left my son there and I went on to the streets because I knew that I had to support my habit; my habit had become more important than anything. And every now and then I would come to myself and say, ‘Girl what are you doing?’ And I would pray. I knew God from my mother and father and I would literally pray. I remember going and getting the drugs. Going out, doing what I had to do to get the drug which was prostitution and laying the drugs on the bed and asking God, “Please, please help me.” After I got through praying I would pick the drugs up and just continue to use.

Q: What were the lowest points or the lowest point for you?

A: I had got real bad because I was down on the streets all night and I remember I went to a place that I didn’t normally go and I got in the car with someone. I remember he hit the freeway on me and usually when they do that, they’re going to do something crazy to you. And I knew at that time that I had to do something. So he hit Central then 114 and I remember him slowing down just enough to go around the curve and I jumped out the car and I know he was going 45 or 50. I believe I hit my head and I was conscience, but I wasn’t conscience and how I knew that, I don’t know but I knew I wasn’t breathing. I could not feel my arms and I remember I was on this service road and as I got ready to get up I remember an eighteen wheeler coming and how that truck missed me, I don’t know how. It was the grace of God, I knew it was. But across the field there was a Howard Johnson and one of the guys was standing out there and he seen me. And he came across the median there and he got me. He carried me across and I remember when the paramedics got there and said, ‘Oh she was out tricking and probably got in the wrong, got in the wrong car.’

After I came from the hospital, I called one of my family members and I told them to come get me and they did. And they took me to their house and I remember laying on their couch and they literally had to help me to the bathroom. I was just that messed up. I think a couple of days after that I went right back to the streets with blood in my head. During this time, I really had gotten tired and again I went to treatment. I think I went to nine treatment programs because it was always something inside of me saying, “You can do better,” but it seemed I couldn’t break the hold of the addiction. I had a warrant I just wanted to turn myself in. I went in and told the lady my name and I just sat down underneath the little counter. In my mind, I said you got this hot $20 you might as well go on back out this door and go on out and just get you another hit. But something inside of me said just sit there. I sat there and finally she found me in the system. So when they came, they booked me in and I remember the man saying, “You mean to tell me you’re going to turn yourself in? Not too many people do that.” The judge that I had to go to was the same judge I always went to and he said, “I don’t even want her in my court room. Don’t bring her in my courtroom.” I had a court appointed lawyer and I told him that I had a drug problem and I wanted to go somewhere where I could get myself together. He went in and he talked to the judge and at that time, the judge allowed me to come into his courtroom. And he told me, “Ms. Green, the sentence that I’m gonna give you is 25 to life because you have been considered habitual. But I just believe they got a program down in Huntsville that they’re doing and I believe that if we give you a chance down there I believe that you’ll get better. Well let me just say that if I give you this chance, it’s just one chance and you go down there and mess up in any way, you’re gonna do all this time. I was so tired of my life, I was so tired of hurting and I went on down to Huntsville. And when I got down there I had never been down on a farm. They began to check me in and they belittled me, they talked about me, they said all kind of things. But even in them saying those things, I didn’t even get mad. And I told God, “I can’t even see me doing all that time they’re talking about. But God, whatever you do, I don’t want to go back out here the same way I came in. Please help me.” And that’s when my life begin to change. That’s when I surrendered because I didn’t know anything else to do. I was scared to death because I had always me in country and state jails but I never been in prison.

Q: How was this program different than the treatments you went through before and how did it help you?

A: This was a program that helped me deal with the issues that were within me and realizing the repetition in my life was because of past experiences. It was because I hadn’t healed and forgiven the things that happened to me. They did intense counseling and I began to deal with my issues. I began to deal with the incest, the molestation and the abuse. I think I cried everyday for two months and they had this exercise where we had stand in a mirror and we had to look at ourselves and when I first did that exercise, it was the first time I had really looked at myself. What I saw, I didn’t like. I just stood there and I just cried. I faced every obstacle and as I faced my past experiences, I believe I overcame them and it gave me strength. Because I wasn’t able to talk about it, now I could and as I began to talk, I began to release.

I went to church to get away from all those women and I sat on the front row trying to block out everything. I began to hear what the pastor was saying and I heard this many times but at this particular time, it was different. That day, I received the Holy Spirit with the evidence of speaking in tongues. I went back to my dorm and I began to seek God like never before. Anytime they would call chapel, I would be in the chapel. I began to go to the spiritual classes. I knew I had to change, but I didn’t how to change. God, through His Word began to teach me how to change. I told God, “If you are God, and if you’re the God that they say You are, then God, change me. Change me,” and He did just that. He changed my life. I begin to speak different, I began to understand, I began to listen because before I thought I knew it all. I allowed the Holy Spirit to teach me how to live. From my bunk in my unit, I could see women going and coming and those same women that went out, they came back; maybe a month later, maybe two and three weeks later. I said God, “You have to send a Word to let these women know that there is a life outside of these walls that the can live. They can live outside of these walls.”

Q: Where did you go, what did you do when you got released?

A: When I was released, they took me to Salvation Army and people offering for me to come and stay with them. I told then no. I wasn’t used to working, so I prayed and I asked the Lord to condition my mind that I could accept responsibility and that I would have the mind to work and stay with a job, so I could make a living. And I believe the first job I had was a maid’s job. Later, I met a guy and he told me about this place where I took a chance and I got hired on there, which was a good job. Having a criminal background, it’s pretty hard to find a job but I was honest with them. I was getting ready to transition out of Salvation Army and I didn’t know where I was gonna live because it’s hard finding an apartment being an offender. I got to talking to the lady and the lady gave me and apartment. A my son and I moved into that apartment and I remember not having anything but an egg crate that we laid on and some pillows, a frying pan and little 19 inch TV.

Q: Were you ever tempted to go back to that lifestyle and how did you overcome that?

A: I can remember many a nights that I woke up and that addiction, it was there. I remember rolling over and telling God, “If you don’t keep me, you know what I’ll do and I would lay there and I would hold on to Him with everything I had. And God kept me. Every day I asked Him to keep me. I finally had a house full of furniture and a cabinet full of good. Sunday after Sunday and I was praying because my son had been in so much and I was praying for him and asking God to deliver him and it seemed like everything I prayed for, He did. I didn’t have transportation, and my son, he’d go out and do little odd jobs to make extra money because I didn’t make enough for us to survive. He went out one time and met a doctor and told him, “My mom sure needs a car. I’m tired of staying at home,” and the doctor asked him for my number. He called and said, “I don’t know why I’m doing this, but I have a car over here for you.” And I was so thankful.

I knew that it was His hand upon my life. I knew that the doors that were opening, were His hands opening for me. My daughter is now 32 and because of my life changing, her life changed. Because of my life changing, my son’s life changed and my baby brother, his life changed. God is first and foremost in my life. That’s the reason that He’s first because without Him I know it’s nothing; that I’m nothing without Him. He knows the plan he has for your life.

Q: How did God begin to use you to help others?

A: The church I served in, had a ministry called Rahab Ministries and I served there and we went to the shelters and we loved on the women and we comforted the women, we ever went to the prisons. I discovered that what I wanted to do and praying to God to help me. So I began to seek God and I went back to those places that I had visited with the woman I asked them about the program and how to put them together. I did those things and amazingly, it happened. I started my ministry and I called it the Haven of Love and what we did through the ministry is we went to the streets, we ministered to the women on the streets, went to the shelters, to the treatment facilities and we ministered to the women there, sharing our hope with them. We fed the homeless and I couldn’t believe what God was doing.

Q: With all of your troubled relationships, has your relationship with Christ healed you?

A: Yes. I found that I was looking for the hole, an emptiness and I tried to fill it in all the wrong places. When I allowed God to come in, He fulfilled those places and it took time, it was a process, but He fulfilled those empty spots. As I understand now, I was looking for acceptance. I was looking for something that I didn’t get. I didn’t get the affection, I didn’t get the love. Rejection was one of the things I dealt with and as I read the Word, I realized that I had been accepted in the beloved because of Jesus Christ. And when I read that, regardless of what I been through, what I came from, God accepted me. So it was a peace. If nobody else accepted me, God has.

I wondered and asked God, “Why did you let me go through so much?” I understand today that through Him, through it all, it’s because of the plan He had. How could I tell somebody about rejection if I’d never been rejected? How can I tell somebody about loneliness and how God can fulfill the loneliness if I’d never been lonely. God allowed those things to happen that I may be able to tell others and strengthen others. He allowed my mother to be the way she was to let somebody else know, even if you mama or you daddy forsake you, I’m there for you. He allowed those things to happen.